What was the word …the word you used to describe your identity, that part of your identity that must be released, and is so sweetly unraveling? As I searched my memory, my Now while laying in bed, not drifting off to sleep … so many words came to me, neatly stacked bundles of cloth disguised as my identity. And yet, I could not find yours.
Yours, unfound, was the momentum for my exploration. What a powerful unfolding! I felt the weave of the ‘disappointed one’, the warp of ‘living outside the boundary of satisfied … sometimes on the edge, sometimes in impossibility’, the woof of ‘not quite it’ that has been this life … all yes, pointing to relationships and yet all, pointing directly at me … the idea of a me and you, a me and Life, of me and The Creator.
Like a computer, I lay in bed searching through the memory banks, intent on finding every scrap of identity used to make this Quilt of Life, aware that this identity was at the core of the pain I had experienced the night before. As I searched for your word, I found more of mine. That it seems is what Conscious Love does … something unwinds in one and begins an unraveling in the other.
What was that word? I found it so honest, so pure. As I looked I observed ‘the vigilant one’ especially prominent after the aware spiritual path was stepped upon … as I watched I saw no, the vigilance had always been there, leaving little room for breath, for life’s unfolding. It seemed to start the moment I arrived here in a body … being vigilant to not miss the ride home, so certain who I was that I sewed a shroud around all the pain, all the disappointments, all the way that life wasn’t satisfactory and didn’t allow myself to experience this patchwork of body, mind and spirit called life.
Eventually I fell asleep. Upon awakening I noticed something spectacular. The breath was centered deep into the core. Breath stemmed from the base chakra, seeming to arise from the pubic bone. What was the word, that precious word … the grace flowing from your lips? What was your expression of perfection that opened Here even more?