We should make all spiritual talk simple today
God is trying to sell you something but you don’t want to buy
That is what your suffering is:
your fantastic haggling
your manic screaming
God is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient – all powerful, ever present, all knowing. I sense and feel the Divine Presence where ever I am, whenever I become still and listen. Without exception if I am present, God is.
How does that trinity of truth compute with an individual, let alone an individual who wants something? It doesn’t matter if the something desired is a better life or to awaken to Truth. God, the All Everything, leaves no possibility of a separate someone or something.
One day I got it. The game stopped. I didn’t do it. If I could have done it, it wouldn’t have been It. It did it. The understanding simply appeared. If God is everywhere, controls everything, and knows everything, how can everything not be God?
Even with that insight, this clinging to an ‘I’ required many more expeditions into the long-held lie before a deeper acceptance could overshadow the collective hypnosis into which we are born. Every time the ‘me’ presented itself the experience was of smallness. I felt a knot of desperation, impossibly tangled. Always, always there was a need for something seemingly not here. It brought with it the sense of missing something, something terribly important, and the feeling of failure, of being somehow defective. I knew the price and yet I still wanted to haggle. The sorties were necessary teachers. The manic screaming would not have stopped without them.
I didn’t realize when I started down the path, when I couldn’t do anything but take those first few steps onto it, that what was drawing me was the desire to be truly alive. I didn’t realize that this longing to feel connection, to plug into the current of life and never leave was actually God longing for me. Real aliveness comes with the awareness of ‘not I but the Father’ lives here. Paradoxically, it requires this singular human form to feel what is here to be felt, nothing held back, nothing denied.
For years I surfed, what my friend Anrael calls, the liberation current. Much of the time, like most of us, rather than surfing the waves, I too, was on the bottom of the ocean, pummeled by the water’s immense load, barely able to kick my way to the surface. Sometimes the depths felt good. Its pull was hard to resist. Being submerged felt better than feeling the surface, than exposing myself to all of life again. How, why did I keep resurfacing? I don’t know. Even now I can only understand it as Grace.
The surface is intimidating. There are endless things we don’t want to feel. Life doesn’t feel sacred. The sacred is hidden impeccably within the ordinary moments of life and is easy to miss. The idea of enlightenment, of dissolving the ego into God feels so much more accurate than a life that hurts. At times, life feels as if it will devour us. To all appearances, we will die. If we beat the odds and live long enough, we will watch everyone we love die before us. Dissolving the ego would mean that no one is left to feel the pain. No wonder it is so appealing.
The spiritual path can be a siren calling us upward into the light. We float on the ethers, feeling the bliss – the ultimate escapee. When we come back down to life, which we cannot escape, we want nothing more than to be back where we were moments before. Life doesn’t change. It’s still here. How could it? It’s life.
What goes up must come down. What is here now, always is. The answer that stares at us is simple, yet not easy. What is required is not to escape. Escape does not work. How could it? It is all God. Where is there to go? If we want to end the suffering we must enter fully into God, into our experience, into the heart of darkness, into the light, into Life.
This is what all the years of internal work have been for—the meditation, the experiences of going deeper, of peering into the murky darkness. It shows us that feeling our lives doesn’t kill us, that the energy of pain and sorrow are teachers, that they are our way-showers. Our bodies, rather than something to be denied and dissolved are actually God’s body. God comes to earth through us, through the forms humbly, joyously bowed to the All That Is. God can’t get here any other way.
So we feel. We feel it all. We feel the joy and love. We feel the sorrow and loss. We forgive all our ideas of unacceptable experience. Everything gets included. Everyone is this. Nothing escapes God’s love, for everything is God. Ideas of good and evil fall away. Right and wrong become transparencies of the underlying truth. We feel, simply feel … yes, this, this too, and this.
As we feel, something amazing happens. Without the preference mind, only God remains. The illusion that there is something to fix, to change, to improve, cracks and shatters as the light’s rays fill us, consummating the fulfillment in form of God’s longing.