Lately everything seems unreal. I keep waiting for it all to fall apart into tiny pixels of color and light, myself included. Earth feels unreal; Heaven, or what I conceive as God (the dissolution of self) seems closer, ever closer. I still exist; I haven’t dissolved. Ready. Willing. Still here. And yet, the detachment from normal human existence grows stronger with each new revelation, with each new opening into awareness. The physical, sensual, here, now untouched, feels wholly incomplete.
The ever closer, ever nearer my God to Thee Heaven, even here, am I fully Home? No past. No future. No time. All in the same breath, the same now. Many worlds collide through this awareness and yet none of them feel any more, or less, real. People appear and this heart within knows them, loves them. knows that if this ride stopped, or even slowed for a moment I might know how or why. And yet the ride doesn’t stop. It can’t. It’s movement. It’s flow. I can’t stop a river from flowing any more than I can stop the ocean from crashing onto the rocks and silently retreating into itself. This ride doesn’t stop either, not for me, not for anyone.
There IS though, something real, something intimate in the generations old unquestioned reality, in a life lived closer to the earth, to nature, in care-taking for physical survival. This earth and the normal human experience is so maligned by the seeker. Earth’s gravitational pull isn’t simply something to be resisted; nothing is to be resisted. This beautiful blue ball is a living, breathing demonstration of Truth in action. It is pulling me not just into finding heaven, but into finding heaven on earth.
Earth or Heaven alone leaves a gaping hole in the solution. Both are partial answers. Neither are Whole. Both, by its very nature, tells the tale of two. Two is a splintering of the Whole. It can’t get me to One. It separates; Truth integrates.
What is heaven on earth? Is not the discovery of heaven the end of the need to escape, the end of the seeker’s path? It is being Here without any desire to get to any there. It is being fully Here, Here on earth. It is the clear, unrestricted, uncensored freedom to feel deeply and to deeply feel everything I am and that I am blessed to energetically encounter. Without any self-protection an aliveness, a realness reveals Itself that is untouched and untouchable while any need for a self remains. No mere mortal can hear these words and grok the meaning. No mere mortal can survive this Understanding.
What is heaven? If it is not the touch of a hand as it brushes my cheek. then it falls short. If it is not being held, truly held without request or meaning, then why bother? Heaven must include a grief so intense it tears out the heart and replaces it with one even bigger, or heaven is not big enough. Is not Heaven the seeker’s search? Is it not the pain of being ripped apart, pried apart, teased into opening? Is not heaven, this earth experience?
Earthly love is heavenly love. Heavenly love is earthly love. It is all Love … big love, little love, sticky love, sweaty love, pain-filled love, grief-stricken love … ecstatic love. In my attempt to feel less, I closed my eyes and heart to the Truth of Heaven on Earth. It’s here. It’s not something coming sometime soon. It is here, now.