Can you simply be here, now? Can you flow with whatever appears? The ability to be with whatever appears, regardless of what the whatever is, without need want or desire to run or hide is a pretty simple description of behavior after awakening. That ability is natural to one who has seen through the game, seen what reality actually is, recognizes true nature, knows that the players on stage don’t do anything, can’t do anything, and yet all doing is done through them. Yup! A bloomin’ paradox.
It seems like all resistance to the play of Leela would stop at the moment of recognition. It doesn’t. Well it didn’t for me. Take that for what it’s worth. When I flip the switch to the off position on my ceramic topped stove the burner doesn’t immediately go from hot to cold. It takes it’s takes time, slowly emitting less and less heat. The bright red glow fades gradually until I can put my hand on the stove top without harm.
Certain things still seem to burn my hand but not too deep I see what’s happening pretty quick, that Leela has her hooks in me, and take my hand of the burner. It wasn’t always so. Suffering is leaving the hand to burn.
Since that moment, and for me it was a moment, when I clearly realized what this long-running infinite eternal play is all about, I’ve been good with 99% of what happens, not necessarily thrilled and delighted by it all, but good. Being with the pain and suffering of my fellow cast mates, watching how ignorance — not knowing what we are — casts its spell and does its thing is hard on this heart, but knowing Life for what it is makes it possible to live at the intersection of here now and simply be.
What seems to be more difficult for me is allowing my body to do what it wants and at this moment it seems to be doing its own thing in a very not comfortable fashion. In the past when the discomfort rises sufficiently — perhaps in the future; how would I know — this bodymind tends to meditate more.
That doesn’t seem wrong now does it? Seems it depends on the motivation.
If the motivation comes from a desire to improve the body’s current state, to feel better, to escape what’s here now, I am aligned and identified with the body. This is where it gets tricky. While I am both the meditation (the empty space of creation) and the meditator (the player on the stage) the meditator has no say in the script. It is being written concomitantly as new experiences arise and fall which shift the experience of reality and makes changes to the script. No one, No One knows what’s going to happen next.
If meditation comes as a natural outpouring of love passion and peace, if it is done without one who meditates it is the What Is without reservations, without plea bargaining, one without an other and what comes out of it is what comes out of it. The outcome is not directed, no props or gadgets, backdrops or scenery required. One simply abides as Aware Presence and This That Is simply does the work, whatever work It wants, whatever shape it takes without interference from a less full understanding.
I’ve noticed both. When my chest starts crackling like a bowl of Rice Krispies swimming in cold milk, and I sit and wait for the defibrillator to surge — that’s not how it happens or at least so far I have had no warning — and let anxiety give me a little push to meditate, that’s as a meditator.
Is it wrong? How could it be? I’m not doing it, remember. The experiences to date, the script as it is written is playing out. I am still running the program, the stove top is still glowing red, and so meditation begins in automatic protection mode. In my pages of the divine script, it shifts during the sit to simple basic surrender and then to Aware Presence abiding in Itself.
Seeing the trigger as a trigger allows something new to appear, a different way of Being, a more whole alignment with reality. Seeing that meditation at times is used as medication uproots the hidden behavior, moving the meter off 99% to 99.1.
Does it ever hit 100%? Does it need to? Does it really matter what shape life takes? That takes us back to my first question. Can you be with what is here now without need to run? If you can’t, just notice that. Noticing rewrites the script. It’s always being rewritten, tweaked and repurposed. What you notice matters.