A friend once told me that my practice was a type of self-soothing. It pissed me off. To my mind, the deep shadow work, the search for truth was anything but soothing. I wasn’t trying to feel better, or so I thought, I was after the big prize: Truth with a capital T.

I’d sat in enough groups that if enlightenment could be earned, I’d already paid my dues. 🤣 I don’t why spiritual devotees sit around in a circle talking about awakening to the reality of nonduality. Hey, it’s something to do. A girl’s gotta find ways to pass the time. For years, I was one of them and finding the small pleasures in life felt like it made being human a little less desperate.

As much as it seems like there was, there’s actually no choice. Talking about it happens, just like all the other happenings that we call our world. It’s actually kind of funny, well more than kind of. It’s like the mechanical rabbit, Rusty, at the dog track. Fake as hell but it keeps the dogs running.

With awakening, enlightenment, nonduality (they’re all Camp BS) you’ve either had the experience, have seen through the ruse, or you haven’t, and nothing anyone says or writes changes that one whit. But folks seem to eat it up, not swallowing it whole, but piecemeal, downing the bites that are tasty to them and vomiting out the ones that cramp their guts.

Maybe it’s better to soothe the savage beast. Although painting pictures of a high and mighty escape from the game is soothing to many, it doesn’t really offer anything other than temporary relief. The same goes for meditation, retreats, podcasts, well, anything you can name. But alas, stuff gets written. Words are spoken. Folks offer retreats for those who can afford the entry fee, and meditation feels good, so why not?

Who am I 🤣😂 to say it should or could be different. No siree, ain’t going there.

Just like the relationship that shows up when you quit looking for it, or the weight that falls off after you truly don’t give a damn anymore, clear sight appears in its own good time. You can’t find it. Oh, for such a short sentence, that last one is filled will so many fallacies. Ah, language. It’s laughable. This isn’t findable and yet it’s right here hiding in plain sight. Heck, it’s not even hiding, totally unavoidable, and using words to hint at it is ludicrous, so … ludicrous I am. And to tell you the truth, well mine in this moment anyway, I don’t mind a bit if you think I’ve lost the plot. I’m just one more dog on the track.

So if you get any of what I am pointing to, what can you do? Not a god damn thing other than what you are going to do anyway. I can only tell you that life is a bit more pleasant when you’re running and don’t mind if you catch that goldarned rabbit.

Like this and want more? An in-depth deconstruction of all the ways we chase the rabbit? Check out my latest book, Actuality: infinity at play https://amzn.to/3Rd4CTY

Image: SouthFellowshipChurch.org