I thought it was me. All those years I thought it was me, that I wasn’t—smart enough, pretty enough, clever enough, good enough—you know, loveable. Something didn’t add up, but I didn’t know what it was, so the only answer left to me was to try harder. I carefully picked out clothes and counted every …
Category Archives: self-soothing
An Ode to Hopelessness
If I was focused on the insanity around me, I would be sleepless, anxious, and quite rightly, unhinged. Some say I’m already that last one so I’m guessing I haven’t far to go to get there, wherever there is. Good thing there is no there, only here and the idea, the thought, the belief in …
Run, Rusty, Run!
A friend once told me that my practice was a type of self-soothing. It pissed me off. To my mind, the deep shadow work, the search for truth was anything but soothing. I wasn’t trying to feel better, or so I thought, I was after the big prize: Truth with a capital T. I’d sat …
Amaya Gayle 