Today I am grieving. Deeply. Painfully. Messily. Preciously. Not for the beloveds I’ve lost but for this world imploding about me. Maybe it’s nothing to grieve. Perhaps it was never worth the love I gave it. Maybe this country has always been the monster in the closet that everyone cowered from while smiling and pretending …
Tag Archives: mental-health
This Sucks
It’s so easy to get sucked into the insanity, but ask yourself, who or what gets sucked? That part of you who believes you’re right and that what’s happening is wrong gets sucked into the void of crazy town, not the present moment awareness in which that sucking sound appears, but the idea, the concept, …
I don’t have a lot of interest in improving the world …
I don’t have a lot of interest in improving the world anymore or any capacity to see it as needing improvement. Life as it is, is what’s here and playing make believe or pretend no longer grabs my attention in any way, so call me whatever you like. I was never much of an activist, …
Ode to Sleeplessness
I sleep well most nights. This is something relatively new for me. For many years, I was a raging insomniac. I didn’t sleep well last night and found myself meditating around 4am, not so much to get to sleep but for something to pass the time. Sitting there, my pillow tucked behind my back, and …
Little Girl Lost: Finding Your Way Home
I am captivated by the term ‘childhood’ traumas. It’s as if we think they are locked into a place in time and don’t infect impact encamp and inbreed with this moment, affecting the beliefs we hold, acting on the ways we respond, impeding our ability to love, increasing our willingness to hate. They are always …
The Mind Trap
Today has been an interesting day. While mowing an acre of grass, taking a hoe to the vegetable garden, and enjoying a three-mile walk with Sophia, I’ve been pondering life, this appearance of duality that is physically dubious and yet remarkably, manifests shamelessly as the material world. It is the veritable impossible dream. I’ve been …
Waving Your Bubble Wand
Are you any less present when what you are present to is anger or hate? Granted, it feels crappy, but Is presence itself any less present when your skies are filled with intense black clouds? Can you not be present? Is that even possible? Wherever you go, there you are. You can’t get away from …
What are the Themes of Your Life?
The themes of a lifetime … have you recognized yours yet? Mine seem to be pretty common threads. There’s two and they tie together seamlessly: seeing my own worth and my willingness to give myself away. Are they basic themes for women? Not sure. Perhaps men are playing out these very same themes as well. …
Give Up Already!
Sleep, or should I say sleeplessness, will expose the parts of us still resonating in separation, still believing in personal power to alter reality … or so it is for me. If I just roll over, maybe the change of position will allow me to relax and let go. If I meditate while laying down, …
We have to be thoroughly trained
Throughout the years, we have been trained. Part of the training is to see others as trained, but not ourselves. Even though we are the others that others are trained to see as trained, we tend to miss that little nuance. The training says we must know what’s right and speak out when we see …
The Truth Lies in the Fire
There are times, even now, when the fact that I did my best wasn’t good enough. I know, deep down, that my life, and those it touched, couldn’t have been otherwise and yet, I ache with the recognition honed from years of new experiences fired in the kiln of inner work, that I hurt others, …
A Proving Ground for Love
I haven’t always loved as deeply as I could have. After Kenny passed I could see ways that I had fallen short, of what I am not sure. Perhaps of pure love, totally selfless love, the love that I feel and sense when I am clear and attuned to This That Is. I loved him …
The Circus Still Comes to Town
What does it mean to not mind what happens? We humans have so many stories about it. Does it mean that we think pain and suffering are just fine, or that folks that hurt children aren’t doing something bad? Does it mean that we’re okay with poverty and war, with human trafficking, rapists and murderers? …
The Uncertainty Factor
It is beyond wondrous to live inside a paradox. We all do, whether we realize it or not. We feel real, seemingly separated from each other by time and space, and yet we aren’t. We are both and neither simultaneously, maybe that’s why we don’t like uncertainty, why we fight for answers, need to find …
The Struggle that I Took On
I wonder … if I hadn’t had the experiences life granted me, who would I be? If instead of adversity I had been given ease, abundance, and love, would I be this version of me? It doesn’t seem so. Looking at a friend’s pictures, a friend who hasn’t seen death, who still is surrounded by …
