I am. That is undeniable and yet it felt in the beginning like I am not. The I that is not, that seemed to have disappeared, is what many call an ego. It is not gone, non-existent, rather is it filling its intended role instead of wreaking havoc, creating veils, pushing itself to fix, change and alter itself and the world. When the false racket ceases the ego feels absent, non-existent, leading one to mistakenly claim ‘I do not exist’.
When all of life has balanced on the imaginary — the sense and feel of separation — when everything I have done, every single thing, has been at the effect of costumes and masks, in support of the story or rebelling against its self-inflicted, other projected rules, the absence of the chaos of separation feels like non-existence for a bit. With the clearing of the veils that shatter ideas of shackles and ones who could be shackled, the self-claimed alienated ego is finally seen for what it is — a whiff of smoke on a windy day.
What is ego actually? Does more than its skewed persona hide within the sense of I am? Its actual reality is overlooked in favor of its bad rap, making it the devil to be overcome, to be blasted into non-existence. Perhaps that is why it feels like non-existence when its colorings, the costumes and masks, drop away. Consciousness — I am — what many experience as ego, the sense of being, is all there is. Nothing, no thing is its cause, its origin. Without consciousness there is no experience. Since knowing, experiencing is the be all, end all without which nothing exists, it is the Basis of life, the Essence of Experience, the Essential Element.
Experiencing spans the continuum from empty awareness aware of Itself to joy and sorrow, peace and war, neutrality and boredom. It doesn’t really matter whether consciousness is veiled, pretending to be human, separate, to be spiritual or atheist, to be extraordinary or mundane, awake or asleep. The activity of consciousness — experiencing — wears infinite faces. Paint a face on a balloon and its still a balloon. Consciousness veiled is still consciousness. Regardless of the contents of experience,
I exist. To say, I don’t exist, is a stepping stone along the path. It is neti neti, the path of renunciation taken to a premature conclusion. Taking the mile-marker for one’s exit sign creates a little chaos of its own, as intended, for This we are plays the long game. Until, and even after it seems, This includes all thats, all theres and whens, the game is on.
Who’s here to experience it, who exists? You are of course! Does existence require a body? Does existence continue after what is called death? Is the body experienced by consciousness or is consciousness confined to your body? Explore the I am. What exactly is it? Find that out and watch as the entire house of cards ever so perfectly implodes.