I’ve been experiencing my last breath for the past 15 months — a physical actuality because of an apparent heart issue that has the immediate potential of ending my life. Each month has brought a deeper experience as less and less control over my health arose.

It was only last night as I was experiencing body shocks roll through, one after another, and was desperately trying to surrender further, to surrender completely to the electrical charges, that I was given the full awareness that I of myself cannot surrender. I can do nothing other than twist and turn with my situation, attempt to dampen the effects while the awareness of a semblance of control exists.

Evidently enough had transpired over those 15 months … and more if you go back to my twin flame’s diagnosis with cancer in 2006 and his eventual passing through the veil.in 2011 — ah the list goes on as it does for all of us … that something within could actually fully accept, receive and concede the message and with that embrace it integrated deeply.

A shift occurred and the body lay in the midst of the ebb and flow of lightning. I could feel the movement of the charges but no longer felt any resistance and the charges were dampened down. What I felt more was the energy of the entire field cradling the ebb and flow. I felt like I was absolutely resting in the silent stillness while wide aware and eventually, after a couple hours, fell soundly asleep.

Silent stillness is not what I believed it to be. It is heralded in with the destruction of one’s ideas of personal power. It is being fully given over to Source, something this powerless I cannot do. Today I am ever more certain that no one has any control here at all. There is immense peace in that lived knowing.

“Play a game of what-if. What if Source is in control of everything? What if Source alone exists? What if everything is love or resistance to love? If all this is true, what does that mean for a me?” Card #27 Genesis — The Wild Child