When something lifesaving, financially positive or just wonderful in general happens, people, regardless of religion, tend to thank God for His grace. God saved me. God kept me from losing my home. I give thanks to God for that money appearing. God showed me what to do; it was a sign. God kept me from getting on that plane. Or if you’re spiritual, Spirit (Gaia, Mother, the Universe, et al) be praised. I am so grateful that spirit blessed me.

It’s a sweet sentiment, but it is not innocent. It is rife with superiority. It builds the idea that those who didn’t miss the plane, who weren’t given the next right step, who had to file bankruptcy or are living in a tent on the side of the freeway, weren’t blessed by God, that there was something wrong with them, that they didn’t do what they should have. It creates the fantasy of deserving and undeserving, of rewards and punishment, of being better, more worthy than another.

Most religions speak of God as all powerful, Spirit as all-pervasive, so there is a question that should be obvious, but it seems it isn’t: If whatever, whoever this power is, is everywhere, is all powerful, is infinite intelligence, then wouldn’t everything that happens be that grace, not just the good stuff?

Humans tend to be short-sighted. We acknowledge what feels good, what adds to the bank account, what seems like positive steps forward. Ah … the blessings in my life.

We minimize (ignore deny disavow) experiences that tip the scale so we slide backwards, the evidence of our broken hearts, the fear that no one actually has our back, not even The Eye in the Sky, the stubbornness of our financial worries (even when we have plenty), the underlying doubt that there is no otherworldly reward for the piety of our beliefs, our basic dread that we will face powerful repercussions for the shallowness of our kindness, and our suspicion that our capacity to suspend empathy in order to gain something, anything, isn’t truly holy and inspired by God.

We’re really good at seeing what we want to see. It’s a life-long avoid-dance. What’s fascinating is that if we’d keep our eyes open, we’d see that we have been mistaken, that Big Daddy isn’t holding that wooden paddle and there is no carrot. He’s something we made up because we were scared and needed to give it meaning, to have purpose and feel safer.

It didn’t really work, but hey, life’s one grand experiment.

Challenging times, even the ones that destroy us, literally or figuratively, stretch the human envelope. They expand us so that we are more capable of experiencing the next challenge. They widen our embrace so we can meet life more directly. They cut off our escape route so we can learn to be with whatever arises and not feel the need to run. They open our hearts, bringing us so fully present that we no longer have time to run around in our heads like chicken little.

Life is an obstacle course, the challenge that makes us more capable of being fully what Life is: fully alive, unconditionally loving, a bottomless fount of giving. Sometimes those challenges kill us; sometimes it only feels that way.

Grief is a great example. We never get over true grief. That’s impossible. It is part of us. We expand to include it, and that expansion process cracks us open and contrary to the trite expressions, we are never put back together again. We don’t move past it. We don’t get over it. Eventually, when we let grief have us, when it is done with us, we find we are more capable of empathy, more able to absorb life’s punches, more willing to be with whatever arises, including the loss we grieve.

For a long time, my favorite phrase has been Insha’Allah. In short, it means God willing. My tears will dry, Insha’Allah. I shall function again, Insha’Allah. I’ll see you soon, Insha’Allah. May your health improve, Insha’Allah.

It adds ‘God willing’ to any event that may happen. It puts the power, all of it, the apparently good and bad, into God’s hands (read that spirit, universe, energy, infinite aliveness … whatever works for you).

If God has power, if God is God with God-like power, then it’s all God’s doing, all the grace of infinite aliveness, all the blessings of spirit.

You don’t earn it. It isn’t withheld. It isn’t given out as a reward. It isn’t something some get and others don’t. You aren’t by nature bad and by belief saved. Grace is everything that transpires in life even when it doesn’t feel like grace, even when it feels like punishment, bad luck, or when it seems like it’s truly FUBAR.

That parking spot opening … grace. That mole that isn’t benign … grace. That rainstorm stopping right as you get out of the car … grace. That case of food poisoning … grace. That inheritance you didn’t expect … grace. That wave that snuck up on your friend … grace. That dog finding you … grace. That book that didn’t sell … grace.

Call it anything you want, but it’s still grace.