May 31st, 2012

I saw a muddy bucket and understood that my focus operates like the layers of mud within the bucket. At the bottom is sediment, thick and deep. As I rise within the confines of the muddy bucket, the concentration of suspended particles becomes increasingly less dense, creating layer upon layer of possible experience, until I reach the top where the water becomes perfectly clear.

I am aware of my physical pain, and have been unwilling to see its unreality. I am ready to shift my focus, to move into a higher truth, but my body keeps reminding me that it is real. It is tangible. It even appears to have its own mind, its own reality, separate from me. Try as I would, I could not deny its reality. I sat with it, with the apparent irreconcilable differences and let it be. My body’s pain kept nagging at me, exploding in a healing crisis that included an inflamed jaw, stabbing nerve endings, plugged and aching sinuses, a burning bladder, and painful muscles. It came together at once, demanding I stop throwing solutions at it and listen. It was almost funny, ludicrous to the point that I could see that more was in play than what was appearing.

I called Anrael and asked her to hold the space while I explored. I am better able to listen in the presence of my Essential Friend. I saw two doors, side-by-side and noticed the energy of fear. I was afraid to open the doors. I knew that the keys to Universal Knowledge were inside, and I knew the potential existed to use the knowledge for evil rather than good, to heal myself rather than be a beacon for the healing of all. As I opened the doors, I saw the keys hanging on the wall. Standing in front of the keys, I realized they quickly dissolved if I reached for them as an individual. If I reached for the keys as the Whole, they were instantaneously available.

Where I put my focus in the bucket is my current reality. It is all real. The illusion, what I called illusion, is real too. This three-dimensional reality is powerful, powerful enough to distract me from that truth. Where is my focus? All the layers are here, all dimensions are simultaneously available, always present.

My ability to see the possibility of rising from the sediment at the bucket’s bottom is such grace. Self-awareness allows me to see that all experience is Reality—from 3D to the infinite dimensions of potential. What stimulates awareness, allowing consciousness to become aware of Itself, is This I Am, that part of this individualized aspect of God’s perfect unfolding. I have called that grace. I still do, for it is all grace. Whether I am focused on the bottom of the bucket, or rising to the top in non-conceptual awareness, the clear water, it is nothing but grace in action. There is Consciousness aware of Itself and there is delusion, consciousness unaware of Itself, and both are real.

Within unaware 3D, I keep replaying and recreating in 3D, even though all dimensions are available. When I am ready to realize Eternal Life as myself, I see that 3D is not the only Reality. I no longer create from limitation, pain and suffering. Making the leap is a true leap of faith because 3D’s reality is intense. The pain and suffering, the limitation and lack command attention. They prove themselves true, repeatedly. Regardless of how many visions, how many inter-dimensional experiences I have, 3D is undeniably real—because it is real. The sensations are intense. The mind wants one reality rather than infinite realities. It doesn’t believe it can manage infinite realities. It thinks it is impossible to wrap itself around infinity.

The mind that cannot wrap itself around infinity is the limited mind. Mind, expansive mind, is perfectly suited to the infinite. Mind is ecstatic to work in ways that utilize its capacity. It too is like the muddy bucket. As the focus shifts to the 3D, denser reality … dense not meaning lesser or inferior in any way … the mud plugs the expansive mind, seeping into the nerves and neural bonds, dimming the connection to Universal Knowledge, making the game of 3D possible. The expansive mind is still present, the focus, alters its functionality, making it suited to the new game.

As Anrael said this morning, “3D is not a dimension of pain and suffering, it is a dimension of intense feeling, infinite manifestation, limitless possibility, intimately in touch with This That Is.” What makes it a horror-story is my focus. If I deny the multidimensional being that I am, life manifests as pain and suffering. Focused on limitation, as Goldsmith says, the “material, mortal consciousness”, I create in limitation, in mortality, and when my creations die, I feel the pain of them ripping free of my hands and heart. When I include the all-dimensional being I am, it is a playground of the grandest design where my creations live and breathe, experience the fire of aliveness and pass into ashes. I re-create, and re-create again. It is pure recreation.

UPCOMING EVENT

Anrael will be giving an intensive called Lighthearted Aliveness, at my home in Ridgefield, Washington August 10th through the 12th. Please contact me for further information if you are interested in attending. Both Anrael and I will be available to support you in every way during the intensive.