Today was one of those days. What started as small dust devils dancing and playing near the ground, joined together into a dust storm of epic proportions, a true Sahara Desert haboob.
It felt like my body was tied to two horses. One horse pulled me towards desire, the other pulled me away from aversion. I was stretched taut, hostage to the equine tug-o-war. Both horses were inspired by people in my life, currently evoking strong reactions and reinforcing a sense of a me and a them. My reaction pulled me off center, out of the Stillpoint, off the cross’s sweet spot – that pinpoint emergence of heaven on earth. The response created identity, a separate self. It wrenched me out of Here, out of Now, out of Love. It separated me from my Divine birthright, the inheritance and Holy Name that belongs to each one of us.
At my center (yours too) is a Core Light, more fiercely intense than my earth-mind can conceive. Rather than the evil Eye of Mordor in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, the Core Light emerges from the formless into form with God’s breath. This light spans my body from pubic bone to the top of my head. It is alive, intelligent, a rod-like funnel of energy through which all experience takes place. The rod is the superstructure for the spine from which spinning chakras, colors beyond imagining, emanate. Experience flows out multi-dimensionally in all directions into infinity from this point of light.
This center is the Stillpoint, the razor’s edge. If I move away from it in the least I experience the Buddhist First Nobel Truth, Life is Suffering. Guaranteed.
As I explored and inquired, I realized that what I called me was being pulled apart and I could not find reason to care if the physical expression of this me survived. In fact, I slapped both horse’s flanks and watched as they reared up and broke loose.
I feel schizophrenic. One day I am in Love with Love, so in love that I don’t exist. The next moment I am torn apart, tied tight to desire and aversion. In the d&a version, Unity, love, feels like a lie, all made up. It couldn’t possibly be true. Today I saw how and why we slide back down into the hole of the separate self, regardless of how many pure experiences of God we have. In the torture, with the horses pulling us apart, Unity doesn’t appear to exist.
I stayed. I felt what there was to feel. I didn’t move. I stayed. Here, here I could see the gravitational pull, a depth of infinite inter-dimensions surrounding the Stillpoint and realized it is all the playground, the illusion, held within the firmament of all potential experience. The Core Light, the rod of light, is the only truth, the only reality. I felt its immense power centered in my heart, pouring its light from this portal called my body, up to crown, down to base. From the core all experience, the experiencing of everything all at once, the entire event horizon is right Here.
I dwell within the Indwelling Presence. It is my Father’s House. I remain nailed to the pinpoint of light, the Stillpoint, without movement, any movement at all. The four horseman of the apocalypse can pull with all their strength in any direction and I will not move.