The Quest

(Update below)

What impacts the types of thoughts that arise in what passes for personal awareness? I’ve been looking closely because I’ve noticed that lately — perhaps always but more so lately — those thoughts left unexamined, manifest rather quickly. Read that as instantly.

I’m not talking about thoughts I drum up, thoughts I consciously imagine. I am talking about the unbidden ones, the thoughts that don’t show their true face, that appear like a thief in the night an instant before they drop back into shadow.

I’ve been noticing and seeing the connection between the unbiddens and manifestation. They seem to be creators of what we take for reality when we take ourselves to be personal beings, and that seems to be an exquisitely necessary part of the game here.

It’s as much game to me as it is a quest for understanding. Do the programs I watch influence the thoughts. It seems so. I really wanted to watch Pennyworth — the story of Alfred from Batman. I watched a few episodes. The actor had Michael Caine down pat. Then I began noticing an increased expectation of bad things happening in other shows, watching a scene and expecting the next shoe to drop. This experience crossed the gamut of shows, even silly, fun shows, shows that didn’t work that way.

That awareness expanded the quest to understanding how all that we imbibe impacts the unbidden thoughts that appear. We imbibe food naturally, but we also imbibe books, movies, conversations, the contents of our own karma, walks in the woods, caring for a flower as we plant a garden, the love we give and receive, the thoughts we have about ourselves.

I noticed the energy of all life when my system was in extreme mode after being hospitalized and while the body shocks were wildly widely unpredictable. I noticed how certain things soothed and other things aggravated the chaos within my body. Some nights I had to turn off all electronics, including the lights, because I could feel the energy in my body. There was no separation at all. The electricity was me. The explosion on the television exploded inside me. The lightning outside detonated my insides. I still experience the eruptive force inside my body when sound comes together just right. I’ll be watching something and bam, for just a breath or two I am it.

We are more connected to the whole than most understand.

The energy was obvious. I’m an empath so it isn’t out of my frame of reference. The subtlety of unbidden thoughts doesn’t surprise me either. I’ve been exploring the nature of reality for over thirty years, digging deeply into what makes me tick. What does fascinate me though, is the near immediate manifestation I am experiencing now.


This quest has my full attention because it makes this body breathless — not in a good way 😉 and it makes my heart do really uncomfortable flip flops. Perhaps that is what it takes to unwind the momentum, and get me to notice all that I imbibe.

The game continues even once the game has been seen through. The body gets to be fully included, fully God-realized as well. Of course it does! The body is the temple, the body of God. The stakes couldn’t be higher!


More reports to come!

The quest is a wild goose chase. Watching thoughts rather than that which is aware of the thoughts will always be a wild goose chase. See the thought. See it as a thought and return to awareness of the thought. Nothing more is ever required. I was off on a wild goose chase for a moment. 😉 … that is what is meant by seeing where the thought comes from. To do that you watch it appear, watch as it dissolves — they always dissolve — what is watching? Awareness. Not magnificent extraordinary spiritual awareness but everyday, ordinary what we are Awareness which is magnificent and extraordinary only when juxtaposed with fixation on objects which includes thoughts.

t’s part of the game for some desires to be fulfilled and some to remain empty of fulfillment. It keeps us fixated on the objects and away from that which is aware — our true self, the god-mind, the everyday ordinary way God sees through our eyes, is the only awareness of our experience, feels through our sensations … is indeed all of it. Hidden in plain (very ordinary) sight.

Thoughts want us to pay attention to thoughts. The shady thoughts aren’t telling me to watch the thoughts. They are telling me to watch what I imbibe. It is all connected. Experience — thoughts — that of which we partake.

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