My friend Anrael wrote this of my last post, God and the Dark One: “There’s a shift pointed to in this writing that works it’s way through the entire system, including organs, bones, nervous system and brain functioning. A different implicit understanding of Isness inhabits the body system by system and cell by cell…gets lived without inner debate or doubt.”
Her words feel exact to what my words pointed towards — a deeper letting go than what I believed possible. This letting go to which I refer requires immense trust in the universe’s unfolding which only seems possible with implicit understanding of who and what I truly am. Without that, the sense of separation, the amygdala deep primal self-protection urge steps up to the plate and defends against such mad emancipation. It sees this deep letting go as suicide, utterly insane, the absolute end of the game.
We don’t notice the places within — physical mental emotional — that we sheer off from the grace of true release until we awaken to the truth: I of myself am not; only This Is. This awakening sees through the lies of separation, the idea that this body is something other than consciousness alive and creates conditions that allow a deeper letting go.
Most think that’s the end of the game. It is and It’s not. While it is the end the game as most humans play it, attached and deluded, it is also a holy new beginning. Instead of walking towards This I now walk as This. I wake up from the dream of being someone, no different from when I awaken in the morning, from a night of dreaming, and realize that I wasn’t running down that street naked after all. I am not attached to my survival and find no need to defend against the delusions of immanent danger. I no longer have any skin in the game.
Even though I now know without a doubt that I am not a someone, that I am the Totality, you me and everything, it takes a body a while to catch up. The cells still resonate at their before shift levels; the remnants of unseen holding patterns still react, albeit more slowly; the subtle beliefs still hold some sway. They merely await the touch of abidance, of This I Am’s love.
THIS has always been doing the work. I never surrendered — not once. Events collided. Thoughts arose. Beliefs became suspect. Awareness shifts and manifests whatever is necessary to illumine the unreality of old patterns. As new light shines on what was believed to be true there is no need to surrender. I don’t need to remove a spider once it is seen to be a twig and I cannot see its twigness from within the spider dream.
Awareness picks apart beliefs one by one until the entire hillside begins to slide, a trickle that without warning becomes a full-on landslide. Was awakening a one-time event or a culmination of many? Does it unfold suddenly or it is gradual? No one is left to care. Ideas of time fall into timelessness. Concepts of doer dissolve into the One Cause.
Will the body’s shift follow in the footsteps of the mind’s? It seems so. The hillside is moving, alive with possibility. Noticing happens. There seems to be no willingness left to contract in any way so noticing happens when the instinct to do so arises and the simple noticing shifts the cells.
We are not what we think? Well, we kind of are. If we think we are beholden to the laws of duality, we will be and even so, those beliefs are nothing more than twigs pretending to be spiders.