The cosmic video game, the one that holds my life and my impressions of this world, including all the others I am aware of, is glitching. These days I often notice its unreality. It blinks in and out, feels like it is falling into a gazillion pieces, like the dome in the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show. Remember when the ceiling of the dome cracked? That’s what life is like here.
Staring at the horizon I notice millions of squiggly shapes, electrified and in motion. Walking, I catch glimpses from the corner of my eyes of the crack-up of time and space in fluid motion. Nothing feels solid anymore.
The electric show that is my body, my heart and mind continues, although with less intensity. I wonder if it is actually happening less often, with less intensity or if I am simply expanding to accommodate the new reality. I don’t know. Can we ever?
I have learned to sleep through the electrical happenings, mostly. Sometimes it is just too much and I leave my bed for my living room for a bit before attempting sleep again. Last night was one of those. I think it was the whole body shock that tripped the switch and set me over the limit. Even that action felt automatic — divine movement rather than mindless resistance.
There is no control here. Perhaps it appears to you in your experience of life that control exists. That is the case for most humans. Control feels and looks like it exists until the sense of it disappears. If not during one’s life it WILL happen at its apparent end. That is a certainty.
The mystics say to die before you die, to die the little deaths each day. That has been my practice for years. Letting go. Surrendering to my experience. Again. Again. Further into the unknown. I had no idea that such a practice would or could bring me to this point, to being stripped of everything except the experience of sensations — no labels, no forms, no story. Life these days is akin to the experience of a newborn baby before ideas and concepts, thoughts and beliefs weave a tapestry of lies, sweet lies albeit, allowing us to navigate this 3D experience.
One by one, the lies weave together a dream world. Subtly at first — Warm. Wet. Hard. Soft. Cold. Belly. Hungry. Angry. Full. Comfortable. All labels that make sense of sensation.
What is our experience without labels?
Pure experiencing is the here-now. It is living as the present moment. It is felt sensations. It is the death of all lies … and it is only residing as pure sensation that sleep finds me.
Why would anyone want to awaken to This?
Years ago I realized that I only wanted the Truth. I didn’t care what it was or where it led me. It wasn’t something I controlled even then. It wasn’t a pipedream of “Truth”, some pie in the sky idea to make me feel good about myself. It was a felt sense that nothing less would ever satisfy the yearning within.
What is my current lesson? Seems this one’s had me by the heart since Ken’s diagnosis with cancer in 2006. It keeps upping the ante as the months and years go by.
Control is a lie used by the lies to maintain the lie. Believing in control guarantees separation, a seeker, suffering and the search — the lie. True Aliveness cannot be found within the lie for it lives beyond the lie, in the realm of Truth.
“Being as you are, where you are, when you are allows the momentous confession of supreme truth to set down roots, to nourish and sustain the sacred promise of transformation.” Card #12 Here, Here — The Wild Child