You’re going about life hooked on the adrenalin of living absolutely convinced of the separation reality and then … something happens. You didn’t cause it, you didn’t ask for it. God knows, you wouldn’t have asked to be taken apart piece by piece. At first, it doesn’t seem too bad, mild in comparison to what is barreling towards you. Uninitiated, you think this might actually make life easier.
It starts out slow. That’s a wonder and a blessing for you would not have survived had it not. Survived is a funny word — for you do not — as you are stripped of belief after belief the you that was dies one small death at a time. With each passing day less of who you were remains.
Friends fall away unable to walk the new road from you cannot turn back. Loved ones pass, gifting you with their ‘gifts’ of grief and loss. Financial ruin approaches, unable to quite put it all together the way you used to and you teeter on the precipice of social decay. Life looses its hold one bite at a time.
The unreality of this world is setting in.
You wonder how long it will go on not certain you will still be in form when and if it finally ends. Physical ailments, undiagnosable symptoms take center stage, prying you lose from any hope of survival, leaning you into your last breath, clearing all concepts of doer from your mind.
And yet, after the pile up of loss, you remain. Separation still stands center stage although much subtler than it has ever been. Even the body feels paper thin, feels nearly gone. You look in the mirror surprised to see a reflection.
You realize that the idea of a separate self is a lie. You know that time is illusion, grand and seductive. You even have glimpsed that space as it is known is a trickster. Nothing has the power to seduce anymore and yet, something deep within has yet to let go.
And you can’t do it. No time. No space. No separation. No you.
So you relax, mostly. And life marches on. Politics heat up, triggering all you still hold as right and wrong. A pandemic comes along and sits you down, a literal universal time-out and there’s really nothing you can do on a wholly new level. Your health deteriorates further, your body doing things that no body should be able to do. Everything you didn’t even realize you believed is thrust into the foreground and still you, the separate self remains.
And then one day, amid the deep surrender the final futility, the giving up and over, something unalterably shifts and Reality shows its face, the only face there has ever been. Light opens your heart and sucks what remains of you in, dismantling, dispersing, disappearing everything you thought you knew, that you believed you were.
What remains? Love alone, not detached or disengaged, not the witness, not simply awareness, but Love, love loving all of Itself, Its expressions, Its dance, the I Am that is All.