Just when you think it’s safe to get back in the water! What a life this is, a universe intent on stripping away every last flake of ego, ego that can not be seen until it is in the process of being stripped and even then it’s so slippery, like a slinky slipping around a shadowy corner and coming to rest in the darkness of an entryway stoop.
I know the game is afoot, more of the untended within is being both rejoined and excoriated. What a paradox. I am blessed with glimpses of that slinky although I’ve yet to see the last little bit of coiled wire for what it truly is.
I’ve been working on my will again, updating it from a year ago. Seems impossible that it has only been twelve months of learning to live one breath at a time. There are so many changes and it feels like so little time remains. I spent the day with the will and intricate instructions for the farm, creating a how-to for the uninitiated.
Why you might ask? This heart of mine is up to its tricks again. Unconsciously, I slipped away from one breath, living breath to breath, into the spectacle of several, a line-up of breaths, envisioning a couple new chapters for this life. That is not to be. Of course it isn’t. To live in the moment there is only this breath. The idea of a next lacks truth, is bereft of intimacy, has no innocence quotient at all. That sort of longevity is based on knowing, on wanting, on a deeply disturbing unreality — a wish and a hope. Nothing real nourishes the soul there.
Today as I played with the will I looked at all my works of heArt — the many books I’ve written, the cards I birthed, the piles of articles and heartfelt wonders that have been created through me. With more than a little sadness — not sure that’s the right word — I let them go, saw them dissolve, the website deleted, the Wild Child page no more, the books given away to anyone with a desire or used for a lovely bonfire. My legacy, gone to ash just like my body.
My life has been a study in commitment to Truth. A long time ago I took a vow to honor truth regardless of where it took me. The journey has held both the beautiful and the monstrous. It has given me the rich and precious tapestry of light and dark with which to weave something new — the recognition of what we truly are. Each time I slip away from the center point of the cross, the intersection of heaven and earth, the here-now — This That Is — what I often call God hauls me back.
What does It say?
You are not in control. Were you, your heart would not race like the stuffed rabbit the greyhounds chase. You would not choose to live viscerally knowing that only this one breath is given and at any moment the next may not appear.
You have never had control. If you had control wouldn’t Kenny still be alive? Your son would not have abandoned you; he’d be your friend, your ally. Wouldn’t life have fallen effortlessly into the shape of your dreams?
You know nothing more than this moment no matter what fairytales you tell yourself. Stop pretending! For God’s sake, Stop! Stay here. Be now. Do not pull away one more time for there is no time left for your stories. The time is Now. There is nothing more.
This moment is all. It is the priceless gem through which each of us will die, will pass through the veil of manifestation into the timelessness of pure potential to be renewed. Not tomorrow. Not some time in a future that will never exist — but this moment.
There is nothing but Now. Stop. Be. Here. my child.
“All experience in every dimension takes place within the timeless now. Being as you are, where you are, when you are allows the momentous confession of supreme truth to set down roots, to nourish and sustain the sacred promise of transformation.” Card #12, Here – Here — The Wild Child